'My Momma Said' No. 4: Stay Out of It

Credit: Bill Gillespie

I grew up in a “Leave it to Beaver” type environment. My dad worked at Delta Air Lines which was 2 miles from home. My mother was a stay-at-home mom. I was the oldest of two.

We lived in Hapeville. The local hamburger place was called the Dwarf House. About the time I started high school they invented the Chick-Fil-A. Most of us know how that turned out.

Hapeville was like Mayberry. My grandparents lived there. My great grandfather lived there. The chief of police was my little league coach. My classmates were all exactly like Jeff Foxworthy…also from Hapeville I might add. It was a great environment and I was blessed with a great family.

But people get mad even in Mayberry. I walked into the living room one day to hear my mom grumbling about dad. She was fussing about some habit of his that she didn’t like. She didn’t stop when she saw me. She continued to share her frustration.

I decided to chime in. I offered some criticism from my vantage point. I started to say, “I hate it when he does” …she cut me off. “You just turn out half as good as your dad, you hear me? You do half as good as him and you’ll be fine.”

I was confused but knew enough to shut up. I nodded my head and left her alone. I went back to my room wondering why she could complain but I couldn’t.

Later she and I talked. She said, “son, I’m going to give you some very good advice. Stay out of other people’s arguments. It isn’t your fight. You can only lose even though you’re trying to help.”

She went on to explain how frustration and anger are emotional outbursts. They’re personal and belong to the involved parties. Inserting yourself provides a new anger target. Better said, someone to blame.

I wasn’t mature enough to get it at the time. I only knew I was agreeing with the person complaining. How could that make me the bad guy.

Fast Forward: I inserted myself in a great sales rep’s service problems. His CSR was no good and estimating was slow on every request. I made it my business to “fix it.”

I lost the rep. His exit interview had many more complaints about me than his CSR or estimating. He didn’t appreciate me acting like a big brother.

Another time, I decided to hand off my smaller accounts to a struggling rep. He was making progress but it was slow. I was convinced that shoehorning him into my relationships would fast track his numbers.

I lost him too. He liked the people he was calling on. He liked the fact that he owned the relationships. They were contacts he cultivated, not a list of leads with instructions from me.

And don’t even ask me about the conversations with Her Ladyship where I offered to help or advice regarding one of her complaints. Back me up guys, that’s a minefield. Silence is golden.

It took me a while but I finally figured it out. It was fine to listen. It was fine to offer suggestions. It was fine to offer perspective. It was not fine to make the struggle, complaint or objective mine.

I’ve worn out the phrase but a sales leader’s greatest value to reps is “situational guidance.” Listen, share, coach and let the rep sink or swim on their own. That’s what they want anyway.

I’ve gotta say it. My mom was one smart cookie.

The preceding content was provided by a contributor unaffiliated with Printing Impressions. The views expressed within may not directly reflect the thoughts or opinions of the staff of Printing Impressions. Artificial Intelligence may have been used in part to create or edit this content.