'My Momma Said' No. 3: Being Popular Isn't About You

Charlsie Gillespie, 1957

I’ve decided to change up the order of this series. I’m making some changes so I’m not sure how many I’ll get finished. Today’s topic is something that has served me well in every social, and business scenario. So I’m moving it up to #3.

Like most kids, I dealt with peer pressure and acceptance. I’m prepared to argue that the 4^th – 7^th grades are really tough. They were, without question, my most difficult years.

One day a pal would be my best friend. The next day he’d be ganged up with others and I’d be a target. The school day would start and my friend that I looked forward to seeing would be giving me junk. Kids that age are figuring stuff out, inconsistent and often bullies. It’s a miracle any of us get out alive.

I won’t recall the episode but I do remember my conversation with Mom. She was a great listener. She leaned in when she spoke and she dug into every word. She cared and it showed.

At some point in my download, she interrupted me. She said, “people will forget what you say but they will never forget how you make them feel. Being popular is about the other person. It isn’t about you.”

Even at a young age her words hit me between the eyes. I was trying to be popular by being cool. Being popular might happen if I made the other guy feel cool. My Mamma was right!

Fast Forward: I left a print buying job in 1978 to try sales. I was calling on guys and gals just like me. I understood their assignment. I knew what their lives were like and I could appreciate the pressure they were under. They didn’t care about my presses. They were focused on their own hurdles.

I made their problems my focus too. Doing so made me a source of support and comfort for the buyers. The clients saw me as a partner, not a vendor.

This changed the way our conversations went. The client would say, “I have this idea for a project. How could I make it look this way or that way? I’d love to use a cool stock with lots of texture. How can we print on that without losing detail?”

My competitor’s conversation would happen later after we had established specs. It would be “I need a price on this project. How fast can you get me a bid.” Their quotation would be used to justify the decision to hire me.

Fast Forward Again: The same logic applies when you’re trying to hire the best reps. Printers love to tell the candidate all about their plant. They talk about how cool they are and all of their equipment. Its “we’re cool and you should be here too” type stuff.

I didn’t do that. I talked about how talented the rep was. I explained that I hated competing with them. I let them know that, just like everyone else in town, I wanted them to work with me and help make my company stronger.

Guess what. Talented reps like that. They enjoy being validated. They like hearing someone say, “my company will be better with you on the team.” They are excited by the thought of being crucial to your operation.

This mindset served me well in sales and in sales leadership. I learned it from my mom when I was just a kid. She would say, “it’s ok to be cool Bill but make sure the other guy feels cool too.”

Gotta go. I need to make Her Ladyship feel special. I’ve been working on that assignment since 1971.

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