Printers Make Presidential Run –DeWese
Welcome television audience to the campus of Ham Hock Community College (HHCC) here in Geneva, Alabama. Welcome to our studio audience, which is comprised of HHCC students, faculty and residents of Geneva. We will be taking some questions from the studio audience and from viewers on Yahoo and Facebook.
This is the first debate among presidential candidates running for the nomination to represent the new Graphic Arts Coalition. As you know, this is a third party that is challenging the Republicans and the Democrats. The belief behind the founding of the Graphic Arts Coalition is that managing a successful printing company is the most difficult managerial job in all of business, industry and government. Hence, a manager from our industry should make a great president.
I am Harris DeWese, the lead moderator for tonight's debate. Joining me, as my assistant moderator, is my longtime associate of 27 years, the Mañana Man.
We have 11 candidates here on stage and, regrettably, we have only one microphone. Rules for this debate were established among the candidates in advance of this evening and, after several fist fights, they agreed to the following rules:
- There will be no consumption of alcohol during the debate.
- Candidates will lose points if they strike an opponent.
- Curse words are strictly prohibited.
- Candidates who wish to use wacky-tobacky or over-the-counter prescription drugs must step outside the side door to the gymnasium.
- Some candidates slammed down some shots prior to the debate, some others smoked some funny hand-rolled cigarettes and some did both. Now speaking slowly, I remind you that you have a two-minute limit for your answers.
Harris: I will begin the debate with a question for Lou Baiocchini. Lou, am I pronouncing your name correctly?
Lou: Yo, Harris. Das right.
Harris: Lou, tell us what company you own and where it's located.
Lou: My company is Royal Litho and it's located in Queens, New York.
Harris: This question comes from one of our Internet viewers. She writes, "If you are elected president, what will you do to reduce unemployment and get our economy moving?"
Lou: I will temporarily eliminate the pay checks and all of the perks for every member of Congress until unemployment is down to less than 4 percent, our budget is balanced and our federal spending is exactly equal to federal tax receipts.
These yo-yos will also get no free lunches in the Congressional Cafeteria. They can eat at the street carts like all the rest of us. When they have achieved the goals I outlined above, plus some others I will think up, I will authorize $1 million bonuses and reinstate all the stuff I took away. In my business I eat what I kill, and I'm sure that's the case for all my brothers and sisters here on the podium.
Congress gets the work done for the benefit of the citizens and they get paid. Any complaints and I will introduce them to Boom Boom Mancini and his crew.
Millie's 'Made in America' Platform
HArris: Mañana Man you take the next question.
Mañana Man: This question has to do with illegal aliens here in the United States. Ms. Mildred Fouracre, as president what will be your position on the 11.6 million illegal aliens here in America?
Mildred: I am Millie Fouracre, the owner and CEO of Millie's Web Perfection Corporation in Paducah, Kentucky. If elected, I will immediately hire and equip an additional 100,000 border patrols. They will be assigned American-made weapons and given 50,000 Chevrolet Suburbans and 50,000 Ford Explorers to drive around. It will also result in about 12,500 new jobs at Ford and GM. This immediately adds about 112,500 jobs for new patrol officers and auto workers.
The illegals cost us about $127 billion now, and my modest preventive measure amounts to less than $2 billion for guards and equipment. If our border program can reduce the illegals entering our country by just 10 percent, it will pay for the program. I am in favor of immigration; I just want people entering our country legally. Then, when they are here they must learn to speak English. I have many more ideas like this, but not enough time to relate all of them. Go to www.electmillie.com to read all my ideas about job creation.
Mañana Man: Harris, I also want the next question. It relates to the economy, job creation, illegal immigrants and printing. Henry Crain, will you seek to legalize marijuana?
Henry: Absodamlutely, Mañana. It will provide a great economic boost. My company is CrainColorPerfect Corporation in Lincoln, Nebraska. We need new customers.
Joe Klein said the following in a recent Time magazine essay, "The U.S. is, by far, the most 'criminal' country in the world, with 5 percent of the world's population and 25 percent of its prisoners. We spend $68 billion per year on corrections, and one-third of those being corrected are serving time for nonviolent drug crimes. We spend about $150 billion on policing and courts, and 47.5 percent of all drug arrests are marijuana-related.
"That is an awful lot of money, most of it nonfederal, that could be spent on better schools or infrastructure—or simply returned to the public. At the same time, there is an enormous potential windfall in the taxation of marijuana. It is estimated that pot is the largest cash crop in California, with annual revenues approaching $14 billion. A 10 percent pot tax would yield $1.4 billion in California alone. And that's probably a fraction of the revenues that would be available—and of the economic impact, with thousands of new jobs in agriculture, packaging, marketing and advertising. A veritable marijuana economic-stimulus package!"
And, I might add, selfishly, the legalization of marijuana would greatly help my printing industry, which is hurting. We would get a lot of new printing for packaging, labels, store displays, etc.
Harris: Thank you Herm. That was very informative. Have you calculated how many jobs this would create?
Herm: Yes. My accountant estimates that it will create more than 40,000 jobs in the private sector.
Mañana Man (Rubbing his hands together and smiling greedily): Herm you've got my vote. We're rapidly running out of time and will only have time for one more candidate tonight. Lois Thomas, you're the only African American female printing company owner in the United States. What qualifies you to represent the Graphic Arts Coalition and become president?
Lois: Thank you. I own Thomas Graphic Industries, which is the 50th largest printing company in the United States and my plant is in Chicago. I have an MBA from the Kellogg School of Business at the University of Chicago. I founded my company and we now have 550 associates. We print for Fortune 500 consumer goods companies and we have been profitable for the past 20 years.
I am a superior salesperson and generate personal print sales of more $25 million annually. I know I can bring Republicans and Democrats together to enact legislation that will get America growing again. I ask for your votes. By the way, I will see to it that more women are appointed to senior positions in my administration.
Harris: We're out time and we will hear from the other nine candidates at the next debate session. Meanwhile, get out there and sell something! PI
About the Author
Harris DeWese is the author of "Now Get Out There and Sell Something" and "The Mañana Man, Books II and III," available at www.piworld.com/bookstore. He is chairman of Compass Capital Partners and also authors the annual "Compass Report." DeWese has completed more than 150 printing company transactions and is viewed as the industry's preeminent deal maker. He can be reached via e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.