Tips for the 21st Century —DeWese

I’M ONLY gonna say this once!

Listen carefully!

I deny all of the rumors!

I know it seemed possible, even likely.

I know you will be disappointed. You’ve come to expect so much of me.

The whole thing had such a romantic cachet.

Here goes. Grab your armrests and hold on tight.

I am not the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby.

I’ll let that settle in for a minute.

That leaves only 7,213 candidates remaining.

I am, however, the guy who was sitting alone at a $100 blackjack table in Las Vegas when a tall, curvaceous blonde sat next to me and asked, “Gotta light, big boy?”

Remember, I quit smoking on February 5, 2005, so I didn’t have any, but the pit boss handed me a book of matches.

I held the flickering match, she cupped her hands around mine and her eyes looked deeply into my baby browns as she lit her cigarette.

The mystery woman continued, “I know that you’re famous. Aren’t you the Mañana Man?”

I paused before answering because I feared it would lead to another request for my autograph.

I was wrong. She asked, “I bet you’ve got a room in this hotel—am I right?”

Can You Believe It?

I stood and motioned to the dealer to “color me up” with $5,000 chips. And, sounding as forceful as possible, I replied, “Yes, Miss Anna Nicole Smith, I am the Mañana Man. But I have to head up to that room and write my next column for PRINTING IMPRESSIONS magazine.

She swooned in disbelief as I stuffed the chips in my pockets and walked away.

I said “no” that night.

I said “yes,” though, when the equally beautiful Joan Kasper—an official with the National Association of Printing Leadership—called and asked, “Mañana Man, will you conduct a seminar at our NAPL Top Management Conference in Santa Barbara? The topic should be on selling in the 21st century.”