Harris Heads to Boot Camp —DeWese

MY PUBLISHER, Printing Impressions, has been trying to discipline me for nearly 25 years. I’ve dealt with at least a dozen different staff editors (mean-spirited goons) over that span. The most recent arrival carries the title of Managing Editor, but I’m forced to salute her as “Sarge.”

This hotshot Managing Editor sent me an e-mail recently, and the subject was “Schedule.” The e-mail listed monthly deadlines for the remainder of 2008. It also listed the topics for my columns for the remaining issues this year.

Can you imagine Sarge telling me, the Mañana Man, what to write and when I’m to turn it in? The e-mail sounded a little threatening, so I figured I better do a little research. I took a page from some of our politicians, trying to dig up any possible past dirt on her.

I made some phone calls and, sure enough, this latest Managing Editor is a former Marine trained at Parris Island and an honor graduate from boot camp.

My Knees Are Shaking

This next part scared the bejeebers out of me. Sarge scored Expert with the M16 rifle, and out shot everyone with a 50-caliber machine gun mounted on a helicopter (during a familiarization firing exercise).

Now, you readers can understand and empathize with the duress I suffer. Do you know what it’s like to write under this intense pressure?

I suppose you do, since many of you are selling printing with no company support, and maleficent and incompetent management (translation: bad and dumb bosses). Those of you who have smart, supportive bosses are the lucky ones, and you need to work twice as hard so you can stay where you are.

Sarge gave me the copy deadlines and the required topics for the rest of 2008. I’ll give you a little preview, and maybe you can get a head start on the remaining seven months.