Well, my whole damn plan to raise prices in the printing industry blew up in my face. I kidnapped more than 200 print buyers and bankers and held them hostage in what I thought should be a top-secret location. My plan was to hold these yokels until the printing industry raised its prices across the board by 25 percent.
I am still holed up in this secret underground location guarding my hostage print buyers and bankers. I've made a lot of progress training the hostages to cook for themselves and clean their cells. I am also trying to teach the print buyers to use fair and balanced criteria for selecting their print suppliers. I am trying to teach the bankers the benefits of embracing the printing industry. The banks have turned their backs on us because they don't understand our industry and because a few bad apples have recently tarnished our ability to borrow. I have explained that printing companies operate on
I have submitted this column by special courier since I'm holed up in a secret location with 150 print buyers that I'm holding hostage. I am holding these hostages until all you printers raise your prices by 25 percent. You were all supposed to raise prices at midnight on my 60th birthday, June 30, 2002, but, alas, you let me down.
Okay, that's it! I'm enraged! I've taken another 150 print buyers hostage, and this time I'm not telling where I'm holed up with this motley crew. You remember the last time I took print buyers hostage; I admitted that I was holding them in the Ritz Carlton in Chicago. I served them Dom Perignon and the best Beluga. Eventually, the FBI "negotiated" their release. I'll tell you about my demands later. First, I want to tell why I'm so angry. It was this past Friday, about 4 p.m. I had given myself the afternoon off to tend to my garden. Why not? Most
BY JOHN M. COLLARD Would you share the wealth with those who were required to help you create it? Of course you would. Printing company owners willing to invest in realistic incentives that reward achievements accomplished by managers and employees reap the proceeds. The key to success is to: 1.) set realistic goals and timeframes; 2.) hold managers accountable for performance; 3.) communicate measurement and reward methodology—then step back and let them perform. Always be sure to reward positive results when goals are achieved, but never give a reward when goals have not been accomplished. If goals are met, the cash will be there to pay
Company owners, CEOs and sales managers are always telling me that they clip my columns, photocopy them and distribute them to their salespeople. I'm going to turn the tables and give you salespeople something to slip into the boss' inbox. It's most of the text of a speech I gave on leadership to the Paperboard Packaging Council in Washington, DC, back in March. The folks at the Paperboard Packaging Council had scheduled some famous economist to speak, but he couldn't show up so they called me to fill in. Of course, they probably called me first, but the guys at the bus station failed
I have just returned from the NAPL Top Management Conference held at the PGA National Resort in Palm Beach Gardens, FL. The weather was cold, windy and wet, and I caught cold. None of the golfers caught cold. I stayed indoors—but I caught cold. That's just part one of my bad mood. Part two of my black temper is the practice of some conference speakers who generalize about the printing industry. You cannot generalize about this industry. What applies to the business conditions or microeconomics of a half-size sheetfed general commercial printer does not apply to a long run, heatset web publications printer, or to
Okay, I want all of you in the back to settle down. Don't make me call security on you. I can't be waiting up here while you finish those beers and hoagies. I've got some serious business to cover in this column and we've got to get started. Here's the agenda. First, I'm going to talk about the importance of customers, which some of you dolts still don't seem to get. Next, I'm going to talk about good negotiating skills, which some of you—especially those in the back row—appear to think is synonymous with fist fights and arguments. Finally, I'm going to report on
I've done a few controversial things lately and some hotsy totsy journalists decided to interview, make that "grill," me the way they attack famous people on TV. Your Mañana Man, that's me, fears nothing so I let these so-called "jourkalists" set up a conference call for the "interview."
Seasons Greetings to all you readers, regardless of your persuasions! Whether you celebrate Kwanzaa, Chanukah, Christmas or nothing, we all need to experience some end-of-the-year peace and happiness. I need a break from all of this Great American Print Sales Prospecting Contest bookkeeping.
