Don’t Be Like Maynard —DeWese
IAM writing this column from Room 316 in the Paoli Hospital in Paoli, PA. I am here as a patient. Bet you thought I’d say, “I am here as a brain surgeon.”
This hospital thing stinks, and I’m not in the mood to write a column. But, alas, I am a slave to “showing up.” It was Woody Allen who said, “Eighty percent of success is just showing up.” Woody Allen also said, “The mafia takes in more than $40 billion annually and spends very little on office supplies.” I have changed that to read, “and spends nothing on printing.”
I’ve shown up for 264 columns, and I’m not stopping now. It takes way more than a damn heart block to stop the Mañana Man. I had never heard of a “heart block” before. It’s different than a heart blockage. The top part of your heart sends electric signals to the bottom part to pump blood throughout your body. If there’s a short circuit (block), your body, including your brain, doesn’t get enough oxygenated blood.
Can you beat that? For the past several years, I’ve been writing these columns with too little oxygen for my brain. Bet you never noticed.
The electrical problem has been fixed with a pacemaker. I’m also betting you have already noticed that I’m writing like Hemingway.
I have written columns on the beach, in various hotel rooms and various poolside verandas, but this is my first hospital room effort.
I was enjoying my visit until they wheeled in a roommate named Maynard. Maynard immediately began talking, not necessarily to me, but anyone who would listen and respond. If a nurse or doctor came in to see me, Maynard would begin commenting on something that was said to me. As soon as he had seized the platform, Maynard felt empowered to digress into one of his many, many life anecdotes.