5 Things to Say to a Printer if You Want to Get Your A$$ Kicked

The following is what you ‘would not’ want to say to a printer:

  1. Print? Print is dead!—Yeah—No. It’s not—I can cite you 10 studies that show you that ink on paper is still one of the most compelling tools to communicate with humans.
  2. That Viagra commercial is hilarious. No, it’s not. First of all, erectile dysfunction is serious, and B: our industry is NOT completely 100 percent full of men in their late fifties. Sorry guys. There are lots of women in print too, and I actually kind of liked that ad.
  3. ANY use of the words JUNK MAIL. Please do not refer to our blood sweat and tears as junk mail. Direct mail is still used by millions of companies and organizations around the globe to communicate, solicit, and generally entertain people. So stop calling it that. NOW.
  4. You are killing trees needlessly. Actually, no we’re not. Paper companies are some of the most responsible stewards of the environment and of our natural resources of any industrial group. You want to talk waste? Let’s talk about batteries and electronic waste. Where do you think all these computers, tablets and cell phones are going to end up? In a magical land of techno-fairies? Nope. Landfills. And paper? We recycle that!
  5. Social media is more effective than a printed piece. REALLY? I actually happen to believe in actual integrated communication plans, where print, social, TV and other mediums all sit around holding hands and sing campfire songs together. No one medium can do it all. And anyone who tells you that has an agenda that is probably not even hidden.

So this is pretty much a fluff piece, but now I feel all pumped up and defensive of our beloved industry…Wanna make something of it?

Now working as a consultant, Kelly sold digital printing for 15 years so she understands the challenges, frustrations and pitfalls of building a successful sales practice. Her mission is to help printers of all sizes sell more stuff. Kelly's areas of focus include client recovery, retention and acquisition, and marketing communications projects.
Kelly graduated from the University of Michigan with a degree in Political Science and, among other notable accomplishments, co-founded the Windy City Rollers, a professional women's roller derby league.

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  • Michael Jahn

    related to 4 – when was the last time you threw a broken computer or broken cell phone in the trash ? I live in California, and most everyone I know takes advantage of recycle events…


  • Joe Strader

    #3. It isn’t junk if it pays the bills.

    #2. The commercial was OK, but where was the rest of the plant? If he was the only employee he had dysfunction and it wasn’t ED.

  • Randy

    Isn’t most technology recycling to reclaim the valuable metals?

  • Scott Cappel

    So what exactly was he doing on that Heidelberg anyway?

  • John Raithel

    Great piece. You may have started a new comedic career for yourself. Move over Jeff Foxworthy! Kelly has, "You know you’re going to get your a$$ kicked by a printer when…
    How fun, keep it going.

  • Kelly Mallozzi

    So flattered that this struck a chord with so many! Thanks for all the social shares everyone! How will I ever live up to this?

  • Bill Farquharson

    Regarding that last sentence, if you do decide to take Mrs. Mallozzi up on the challenge and "make something of it," you might first inquire into her previous profession, back when she was Ms. Quinn. Hint: It involved roller skates, going in circles and elbowing people in the head.

  • Bill Farquharson

    #6: "You’ll need to reprint it. That’s not the same color red as the one on my computer screen"

  • Melissa Sienicki

    I recommend that everyone in the industry read this first thing in the morning – now I’m pumped up, too, Kelly!

  • Kristen Quinn

    #4 is the most eye-opening for me. Thank you for giving me the right perspective on this.

  • Dustin Goy

    Great article

  • Deborah Corn

    Loved the post! Re #4… totally agree… but I don’t think the "finger point" strategy is best retort in this case since not only does the print industry support multichannel (see #5), but you have shared this information on a blog, on a website, that must be accessed by devices. We need to keep the focus on facts.

    TwoSides US (http://twosides.us) has a ton of information and downloadable fact sheets on the sustainability of print and paper that helps us bust "greenwashing" myths such as paper kills trees. To your excellent point, the print and paper industry plant more trees than are harvested each year, and there are more trees now in the US than there were 100 years ago!

  • Joseph X Cushing

    I read it only because your note that is struck a chord with so many! this is fantastic food for thought! ALL Original ?? regardless, great stuff. jxc

  • Joe

    Hey Kelly…
    I’ve caught more flack over that stupid viagra commercial from my friends.. and who the hell puts a press room on the second floor?!

  • JPG Printing

    Great article, we get a lot something similar "Business Cards are Dead"

  • Norm

    Yo Kelly! Fuhgitaboutit! heh. (Nice read!)

  • Sandi Neuman

    Hey Kelly, great reminder for us all! I cringed when I saw the Viagra commercial only because the stereotypical "pressman" portrayed further projects our industry and old and breaking down! I for one keep an app (http://value.printing.org/page/10574#mobile) on my phone with the facts about paper, usage, waste and the electronic dumping that is going on worldwide. While many of us "recycle" our electronics, those companies that take this waste harvest only certain parts and the rest gets shipped to third world countries where the metals are scavanged, usually by children, and the remaining heaps are then burned, churning out hazardous fumes and breaking down into the water tables……..anyone who believes otherwise is misguided. They are probably tossing batteries in the garbage not thinking twice…….

  • RyanSauers

    K, nice job. This was awesome. R

  • Jodi Rochford

    "I can cite you 10 studies that show you that ink on paper is still one of the most compelling tools to communicate with humans." Please cite the studies so I can share them