Got to Have ‘It’ —DeWese
This is twice for Clooney.
Brad Pitt won twice.
Last year I called People magazine to inquire about my ranking in the competition. I wasn’t even in their database.
This year I called People again and inquired about my standing in the ranking. A kind and very patient researcher performed an in-depth search while I held on the phone. No luck.
I suggested that just maybe she would find me in the “M’s” as the “Mañana Man.” Yep. She found me. The People researcher said I was in the Hispanic Sexy Man database because of the tilde over the “n” in Mañana. She added, however, “But I’m sorry Mr. Mann. You received no votes in any of the Latin American countries. According to our demographics, at 64, you are little old to be considered seriously.”
That just stinks! What about Newman (81), Redford (69) and Burt Reynolds (70)? They are all older than me. They got lots of votes. John Wayne and Clark Gable both got more than 100,000 votes and they are dead!
I asked about some of my so-called “colleagues” here at PRINTING IMPRESSIONS. Not only were they in the damn database, but they all got votes. The rankings were Mark “Attila the Editor” Michelson, 196 votes; Chris “Little Attila” Bauer, 104 votes; and Erik “Teddy Bear” Cagle, 81 votes. The researcher said, “Not bad. But, remember that, oooh, um, yum yum George Clooney got over 19 million votes.”
I want to get ready for the next ranking so I demanded the People researcher tell me the criteria on which women judged sexy men. I was thinking it might just something as simple as the James Dean persona in “Rebel Without a Cause” or the black leather jacket-look of Marlon Brando as “The Wild One.” I recalled that the girls in my high school went limp for that brooding, mysterious type.