Got to Have ‘It’ —DeWese

I GUESS you all saw that Mister Hot Shot George Clooney won People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive!” competition.

This is twice for Clooney.

Brad Pitt won twice.

Last year I called People magazine to inquire about my ranking in the competition. I wasn’t even in their database.

This year I called People again and inquired about my standing in the ranking. A kind and very patient researcher performed an in-depth search while I held on the phone. No luck.

I suggested that just maybe she would find me in the “M’s” as the “Mañana Man.” Yep. She found me. The People researcher said I was in the Hispanic Sexy Man database because of the tilde over the “n” in Mañana. She added, however, “But I’m sorry Mr. Mann. You received no votes in any of the Latin American countries. According to our demographics, at 64, you are little old to be considered seriously.”

That just stinks! What about Newman (81), Redford (69) and Burt Reynolds (70)? They are all older than me. They got lots of votes. John Wayne and Clark Gable both got more than 100,000 votes and they are dead!

I asked about some of my so-called “colleagues” here at PRINTING IMPRESSIONS. Not only were they in the damn database, but they all got votes. The rankings were Mark “Attila the Editor” Michelson, 196 votes; Chris “Little Attila” Bauer, 104 votes; and Erik “Teddy Bear” Cagle, 81 votes. The researcher said, “Not bad. But, remember that, oooh, um, yum yum George Clooney got over 19 million votes.”

I want to get ready for the next ranking so I demanded the People researcher tell me the criteria on which women judged sexy men. I was thinking it might just something as simple as the James Dean persona in “Rebel Without a Cause” or the black leather jacket-look of Marlon Brando as “The Wild One.” I recalled that the girls in my high school went limp for that brooding, mysterious type.

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  • http://RobertParker Robert Parker

    I’m a long time reader of your Printing Impressions magazine column. Nuggets of cleverly disguised wisdom, sprinkled with humor make your articles always easy to digest.

    I had better stop with the kudos before your hat begins to suffer. My main reason for writing is to say “amen” to the points you made in your January 2007 article. Thinking back on all of the salespeople that I have worked with during my 36 years in the business, the ones that really stood out had all the Clooney traits except the “slam dunk gorgeous” thing. The sad thing is that precious few had “it” and the percentage is not increasing. Keep the nuggets coming. You may not change the world but at least you are taking your shots.

  • http://JerryMcNulty Jerry McNulty

    I enjoyed your article. I have 5 sales reps that all currently do a little over a million dollars each in offset printing sales. They are stagnant! They make a good living and all have the “clooney traits” you discussed. I would gladly take suggestions. Oh and yes I am already looking for more.