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Time for a Life Change --DeWese

June 2005
I was soaking in my spa reading the March 16th edition of Time magazine. The jets were pulsing hot massaging surges and I was thinking, "It doesn't get any better than this." But, then again, I'm old and easily satisfied.

I read a column by Patricia Marx about the famous and enormously publicized runaway bride. The column made me laugh out loud and when I finished reading, I said, "Wow! I wish I'd written that!" I'm an envious cuss and it always sparks my petty jealousy when someone does something that I do better than I do. (I know that last sentence was lousy, but I just couldn't resist a grammatically weak sentence when writing about writers better than me.)

Then I began to read the cover story about women's midlife crises. The article was titled "A Female Midlife Crisis—Bring it on! How women are making the most of a major turning point in their lives."

Midlife Metamorphosis

Apparently research has shown that women approach midlife change in the age 40-to-60 range with more optimism and willingness to "step out of the box" than men. Men were demonized in the article with a little sidebar titled "Hey, They Stole Our Crisis"—a short piece about "how dudes of a certain age feel they own the red convertible stage of life." This is the stage where men in crisis believe they deserve a younger trophy wife, a flashy gold necklace and daily facials.

I was struck by a gut-busting blast of deep dark depression. It's almost June, I remembered; my birth month. On June 30 I will be 63 and I NEVER HAD MY MIDLIFE CRISIS!

I'm probably too old now to qualify for the luxury of a life passage. This is not fair. I was busy working and just forgot to schedule my midlife metamorphosis. If you miss the age range, I think you lose your chance for a life-changing interlude.

I'm gonna try anyway. I don't have to write this column in June because the July issue is Printing Impressions' annual Master Specifier equipment directory. So I won't have to write another column until early July.

I figure I've got about 60 days to have my crisis and then get back to business.

I know. I'll make mine a late-life crisis. It will be a new thing. Maybe Time will put me on the cover and write about me. Millions of people in the 60-to-80 age range can join me and take up totally new lifestyles.
 

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