It’s Time for an Intervention —Farquharson/Tedesco

Good morning and thanks for coming by on such short notice. We've been speaking to a great number of printing salespeople and selling owners and, well, quite frankly they are not happy about a few things. We felt it best if we addressed them directly with you. Oh, we're sorry to keep you all waiting in the lobby for so long. It wasn't done because we were busy or because we forgot about you. We kept you waiting simply because we could. Sure, it was juvenile payback, but we enjoyed it. Anyway, come on in to the conference room and sit down. We need to talk.

As we mentioned, we hear a lot of gripes and complaints regarding the way business gets done with print buyers everywhere. Lately, the volume and frequency of comments have gotten to the point where we really needed to step in and do something. Consider us to be the collective voice of the collective oppressed. The reason why we've asked you in is to talk about a few things that are on their minds. We've itemized the issues so that they can be more easily discussed and digested. Let's tackle them one at a time:

• To start on a positive note, thank you! It has been a genuine pleasure to do business with you over the years. In the past, you've demonstrated loyalty, you were accessible, and any issues we had were worked out fairly and to the satisfaction of both parties. We enjoyed lunch, played golf and went to ball games together. Our business relationship trickled over to a personal one. Yup, it's been great. That said...What happened? Why are we now treated like a guest at your Dinner for Schmucks and a commodity to be dispensed with at a whim?

• We'd like to make a simple request: Pick up the dang phone! Getting through to you—especially when we prospect—is like being the right caller on a radio show giveaway. It shouldn't be easier to get Springsteen tickets than to land just one appointment with a print buyer! Okay, we realize you get lots of calls, and we concede on the point that you can't talk to everyone.

As such, we are willing to offer up an idea for a compromise: You are free to delete our first three phone calls. After that, you must pick up. This way, you can maintain the giddy feeling that comes from having power and dominion over us, and we still get rewarded for diligence. That's a win-win, my friend. A second idea would be to have open hours once a month and grant us an audience.

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