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Stars Come Out For Derek Jeter —Cagle

April 2007

As a noteworthy aside, the White House has to give permission whenever the president’s likeness is used for commercial purposes, the New York Daily News pointed out. Maybe the tradeoff was allowing Sammy Sosa to return to the Rangers, once owned by Dubya.

SKY-HIGH UTILITIES: I squealed like a teddy bear hamster caught in the exercise wheel upon seeing my $650 electric bill for February. But that’s chump change compared to what the good folks in Weatherford, TX, saw on their February statements. Suffice to say, they will now think twice before leaving the bathroom light on all night.

More than 1,300 utility customers in Weatherford found themselves in utter disbelief when the electric charges came calling: A mere $24 billion. That’s sure to throw the monthly budget out of whack.

The culprit was a printing snafu by DataProse of Irving, TX, which prints Weatherford Electric’s billing statements.

“Obviously, this is not something we’re pleased about,” Curtis Nelson, vice president and general manager of DataProse, told the Houston Chronicle.

Weatherford Electric sent out corrected bills later in February. But, as Wally Cleaver might say, Atlantic City Electric is still giving me the business.

PERVERT TECHNOLOGY: American Paper Optics recently supplied 6.5 million paper 3-D glasses to be inserted with the 2007 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. SI decided to raise the stakes for America’s 30-something creep population by shooting its soft porn bonanza in “vivid, eye-popping 3-D,” notes American Paper Optics.

In order to meet SI’s manufacturing deadline, American Paper Optics kicked out glasses 16 hours a day for 40 days. That’s three and a half 40-foot truckloads of 3-D glasses.

Admittedly, I have thumbed through the swimsuit issue at the local 7-Eleven convenience store—why else would anyone want to read a magazine that is to journalism what pork rhines are to fine cuisine? You need to kill time while the guy in front of you asks for a $100 money order to pay off his traffic ticket. But someone who dons 3-D glasses to look at virtually naked women in a “sports” magazine is akin to guys who drink milk to coat their stomachs before drinking alcohol. In my opinion, you’re putting way too much thought and effort into these activities. . .time better spent getting a life.

But kudos to American Paper Optics on the big run.

—ERIK CAGLE

 

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