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Columnist Ready To Go "Big Time" --DeWese

February 2005
I'm sure that you all saw the news report that is reprinted below.

MIAMI (Jan. 2)—Popular humorist Dave Barry said Sunday's column for The Miami Herald was his last—maybe. Barry, who has written humor columns for three decades, including 22 years at the Herald, says he's holding out the possibility of a return. But for now, he says, "I want to stop before I join the horde of people who think I used to be funnier. And I want to work on some other stuff." Barry says he will write occasional pieces, weighing in "from time to time if something really important happens, such as a cow exploding in a boat toilet."

I was devastated by this news and I'm sure you were too. Dave Barry is, er, was my favorite columnist.

First, Erma Bombeck passed on in 1996. Erma was a great column writer and wrote some great stuff like: "My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car." Or "Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."

Yep, millions of us lost a few daily therapeutic laughs when Erma's columns stopped appearing in hundreds of newspapers.

Lewis Grizzard had enormous talent and lived life to the fullest. We lost this great columnist in 1994. His posthumous Website biography begins, "It was life that Lewis Grizzard loved. And how he did live: four wives, syndicated in 450 daily newspapers, 15 books, some of which were number one on the New York Times Best Sellers List, millions of fans, hundreds of concerts, oceans of vodka and thousands of prayers."

Lewis was published five days a week and I can tell you that coming up with my column topics just once each month is like trying to catch trout in my swimming pool.

Lewis once wrote a column on the U.S. economy. Here's a small sample of his column.

"Here's my program for making America economically sane once again:

Stop all defense spending. Don't buy any more planes, bombs, rifles, bullets, tanks, combat boots or helmets. Who do we need to defend ourselves from? There's no more Soviet Union, and Canada already has given us hockey, so why would they want to harm us any more? Savings to the taxpayers: $72 septillion.

Make all car dealers who make their own television commercials pay an annoyance-to-the-public fee of $1,000 for each commercial. Revenue increase: Who cares, if we can get the loud mouths off TV?"
 

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