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A Dose of Printing Reality --DeWese

November 2004
Not much on TV interests me. For me, all of this new interest in televised poker is like watching soccer, which is like watching paint dry. I guess it helps printing. Somebody has to print all the poker playing cards and the government has to print the money.

I don't understand why the Travel Channel shows so much poker, which has nothing to do with going anywhere. I guess poker is a sport and it's okay for ESPN, which got the idea from the Travel Channel, to show the poker tournaments.

Then there are about five or six shows about building custom-made motorcycles. Watching heavily tattooed men and, yes, heavily tattooed women build motorcycles is about liking watching men and, yes, women participate in poker tournaments. I wonder if all this motorcycle building generates any printing—maybe brochures and coffee table books for bikers. Do bikers have coffee tables? I think bikers have unfurnished living rooms where they park their bikes.

Reality TV is ubiquitous when I surf through about 400 channels. Now, I'm informed, there are two reality shows about wife swapping. Where will it go next? They've gone from marooning a dozen people on tropical islands, to bachelors picking a bride from 25 bachelorettes, to a bachelorette picking a husband from 25 bachelors, to Donald Trump picking an assistant from a dozen contenders and now to wife swapping.

I've never watched a reality TV show. Maybe I'd watch if they put 100 print buyers in a printing plant for a month and let some of you print salespeople try to buy their printing at YOUR price. Of course, the print buyers would never deliver a job and the plant would turn out to be a one-month bankruptcy.

At last count there are 23 versions of house makeovers—while you were out, while you are there, when you are about ready to sell, when you are sick of your unfurnished living room and when you are constipated. For me, watching these house makeover shows is about like leafing through the pages of a coffee table book about custom-made motorcycles.

I really don't see how reality TV generates any printing—maybe the printed applications for amateur singers to appear on American Idol. Is American Idol a reality show? I have watched that show and dreamed for an audition where Simon Cowell loves my every note and gushes about my performance, even more than Paula Abdul. My baritone is a lot better than Tony Bennett and slightly better than the late Frank Sinatra. Maybe I could tape my audition in my bathroom with its great acoustics.

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