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Answers to the Tough Questions --DeWese

February 2002
I've done a few controversial things lately and some hotsy totsy journalists decided to interview, make that "grill," me the way they attack famous people on TV. Your Mañana Man, that's me, fears nothing so I let these so-called "jourkalists" set up a conference call for the "interview."

One of the interviewers was Geraldo "I'm in Afghanistan single-handedly winning the war" Rivera. The other TV personalities were Chris "Hardball" Matthews, Barbara "Pour your guts out to me, baby" Walters and legal expert Johnnie "I got O.J. off-the-hook" Cochran. Two printing industry writers dialed in from American Lithographic magazine and Graphic Arts Weekly.

The lady from Graphic Arts Weekly started with the first dirty, underhanded question. What follows is a totally unexpurgated transcript of this vicious interrogation and my studied, well-conceived responses. I want you faithful readers to get the whole truth before these muckrakers misquote me.

Graphic Arts Weekly: "DeWese, who do you think you are starting the Great American Print Sales Prospecting Contest? We think the whole thing is a fraud and some scheme you cooked up to draw more attention to yourself."

DeWese: "Well, Ms. Know-it-all, for your information, some of America's greatest printing companies signed up. Companies like Sandy Alexander in Clifton, NJ, Executive Printing of Atlanta, all of the Premier Graphics companies, a Wallace company and many more. I'm trying, you big dummy, to draw attention to the hardworking print salespeople of America and to help them recognize the need to prospect for new business every day.

"Furthermore, the NAPL's Gregg Van Wert endorsed the contest and has provided some of the prizes. NAPL is our industry's foremost proponent of good management and good sales practices, and it performs so well under Mr. Van Wert's leadership that this endorsement is better than the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval."

Geraldo: "I have in my hand a tape recording of your conversation with a telemarketer who called you. Do you deny that you refused to buy anything from this person unless it was presented to you with a printed brochure? What kind of un-American attitude is that?"

DeWese: "That's right, 'Gerardo.' That's what I tell all telemarketers. Of course, your taped conversation happened to be with a telemarketer trying to sell me Somalian pork belly futures. I've started a one-man campaign against any products that are sold by telemarketers, on TV, radio or the Internet. I won't buy anything unless the seller presents it to me in print, preferably some coated piece with lots of pages in four-color process, with PMS colors and exotic die-cutting or foil stamping.
 

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