Still Going Strong —DeWese
“Okay, Okay, Mr. Gorelick. I’ll tell my readers.”
Then the vice president and chief economist for NAPL, Andy Paparozzi, phoned me. “Mañana, you malevolent and misinformed misfit, I have run my model on the NAPL system and our industry would actually be 165.09854 percent more profitable if we could eliminate all of the cheaters.”
Well, there you have it. Apply any of these statistics to your companies and calculate how much more profitable you will become.
On the other hand, if you don’t own a company and you work in our industry, think about the time you may be wasting while on the job. If you’re smug, you may be saying, “They don’t pay me enough, so I can damn well sit here and play solitaire.
“The boss doesn’t like me and treats me like a dunce, so I’m gonna call all of my friends while I handicap Sunday’s NFL games. I’ve gotta have some fun at work. I call and call, and I can’t get any appointments, so I’ll relax a little and read the entire New York Times Bestseller list.
“My significant other wants more attention, so I’m gonna meet he/she for a long ‘lunch’ and just tell the boss I’ve got another doctor’s appointment for my ongoing back problem. My back is killing me, you know.”
Banning the BlackBerry
The most productive unproductive employees are the ones who can MULTITASK! Damn I hate that word. It’s actually multi-SLACKING. They are also the first to buy the new technology like Huckleberries or BlackBerries, or whatever they’re called. Then they get to slack for hours reading the BlackBerry manual and inputting a bunch of stuff they think will be “vital” to their professional lives.
These people can, for example, do order entry in one Window, play Internet poker in another, talk to friends on the phone, do their nails and chew gum—all simultaneously. These are the same people that arrive, shop and leave the grocery store talking on their cell phones. I see them; heads crooked cradling the cell phone, blocking the cereal aisle at the Acme. Then they even check out, all the while still on the phone. I hate cell phones; the irony is I probably pay for 50 or 60 of them in my various business ventures and family misadventures.