Imagine the Good News —DeWese

Wow! Good news! We finally caught the killer.

I moved on to Page Two and read, “U.S. Congressmen ‘Fess Up’ to Their Lies and Unanimously Vote for Term Limits.” Two hundred-seventeen senators and representatives revealed their election campaign lies and joined a unanimous vote for one-term, five-year limits. Another 187 senators and representatives seek psychiatric counseling to remedy a variety of psychoses, phobias and fetishes.

Just below that story I read, “513,879 Handguns Turned in to U.S. Police.” Miami Police Chief John Timoney, speaking for law enforcement throughout the United States, exulted, “We think we got ’em all! It’s going to take several years to melt down these weapons.”

I went to the Health and Leisure section where I read, “Center for Disease Control Announces Cures for Cancer, AIDS, Diabetes and the Gout.”

Dream On (and Upward)

The Sports Section was next, and I read about my alma mater, Emory University. “Emory Trounces USC 63-0 to Top NCAA Division Race for the National Championship.” The Emory Scholars remained undefeated and in first place after only five years of Division I football. Coach Warren Jefferson said, “I am proud of our 100 percent walk-on team, but even more proud of our team grade point average at 3.79. Two of our five-year-eligible quarterbacks are first-year med school students.”

Finally, in the Business Section, I see, “Former Mississippi Salesman Named CEO at RR Donnelley.” The world’s largest printing company has named a new CEO, Marvelle Stump of Hot Coffee, MS. Mr. Stump said, “I come up the hard way as an unsuccessful printing salesperson. Then a magazine writer, the Mañana Man, gotta holt o’ me and turned my life around with his wisdom and advice! My mama and them is so proud of me!”

I mopped up the last bit of grits with my bread and put the paper down. The news left me with a big smile because I just gave my readers their gift for 2007—some good news.