I HEAR from a lot of print sales professionals. The calls are from underachievers, overachievers and the mediocre folks in the middle.
The underachievers and the mediocre achievers want to become overachievers. Lately, I’m getting e-mail and phone calls from overachievers who seek an escape to mediocrity. They say overachievement is too much pressure. I’ll explain.
Overachievers are in the top tax bracket. The sons and daughters of overachievers want new cars, the latest fashions, monogrammed iPods and their own credit cards. Their spouses want club memberships, BMWs and million-dollar-plus homes.
The overachievers’ bosses are forever demanding more, more, more! The bosses lean on the overachievers because the underachievers cannot be motivated. These printing company owners may be getting 30 percent to 40 percent of their sales from one overachiever. It’s likely, since these sales are generated by the best salespeople, that these jobs are the most profitable for the company.
The owners know they have too many eggs in too few baskets. They worry, “What happens if my Superstar is wooed away by a competitor? Or, what if my Winner is struck by lightning and forgets the difference between web and sheetfed?”
The answer is scary. The owner realizes he won’t be able keep up the payments on the six-color.
So the load never lessens for the Superstars. It is expected that every year they will perform better than the last. It’s no wonder some of these accomplished salespeople are looking for a way out.
Who else would they turn to but yours truly, the Mañana Man? For he is a man who is all knowing, the fountain of all sales knowledge.
Recipe for Failure
If you want to strive for mediocrity, you must start by fixing your appearance. Every day must be a bad hair day. Fingernails should either be too long or bitten too short and, above all, dirty. Start shopping at consignment stores for ill-fitting and tired clothing. Your clothing should either be too tight or way too large. Women should wear tops that show ample décolleté (for Marvelle Stump this means cleavage).
Try to wear garments that are a poor match both in texture and color. For men, this could mean brown double-knit slacks with a plaid wool jacket. Shoes must be unshined and well worn.
Oh! Try to remember to sweat a lot.
The hair, the nails, the clothing and the décolleté are all distractions to the sales process and will significantly impair your sales results. You’ll find an immediate reduction in your success, and you will have made some real progress toward mediocrity.
Now, let’s work on your conversational skills, and it will be good practice if you read aloud the colored text, as I take you through some exercises.
“You know what I’m sayin’?” Try that.
Now, let’s use it in a sentence.
“The earth is round; you know what I’m sayin’?” Through practice, you should work to make this phrase sound like one word, “Yunowadamsain.” Try to use it often and sometimes two or three times in the same sentence.
Begin to use the word “like” as often as possible. For example. “Like the earth is, like, round (and quickly add), Yunowadamsain?”
Try that a few times.
“Yunowadamsain” can be shortened effectively to “you know.” Use “you know” at the beginning and end of sentences, and even sometimes in the middle.
Here, try this: “You know, like the earth, you know is, like, round, Yunowadamsain?”
Here is a nice variation. “You know what I mean?”
Now let’s work on a transitional word. It’s “um.” “Um” enables you to think of your next statement, so it works as a filler. Let’s practice.
“Um, um, you know, like the earth, you know is, like, um, round, um, Yunowadamsain?” Perfect! Keep working on these exercises, and your sales will melt faster than the ice in your Southern Comfort on the Fourth of July.
Next, I will deal with some big DON’Ts!
Do not ever ask for the order. It’s unprofessional and could make your customer feel uncomfortable. If the client wants you to have the job, they’ll say so. Meanwhile, don’t you pester them. They will just see you are using the tawdry practice of CLOSING and maybe never invite you back.
Do not ever plan annually, monthly, weekly or daily. Spontaneity is much better. It will mean you worked when the spirit moved you. That’s it! Just work when moved by the spirit. You won’t be so tired and stressed from overseeing all those jobs to make certain all your customers are satisfied.
Who cares? You’ll be satisfied, you know, um, what I mean?
Do not ever maintain a prospect database. People keep changing jobs. Companies are moving all the time. If some prospects want to print with you, they will call you.
If the big boss schedules a sales meeting, do not attend unless cocktails are being served. Make up some plausible excuse—something like rescuing your neighbor’s pit bull that was stuck in a tree. Anyway, if you attend the sales meeting, the boss may just single you out for his criticism or advice, and you don’t want to hear his drivel.
Here is an important DO!
Do develop an attitude. It should be a whining, sniveling, complaining attitude. It’s the only way to get through to people.
Try to talk about yourself as much as possible. People need to know your problems and what concerns you.
Soon, everyone will begin to shun you and, at last, you’ll have some some well-deserved mediocrity.
Remember, I’m here for you.
The rest of you should get out there and sell something! I’m here for you, too. PI
—Harris DeWese
About the Author
Harris DeWese is the author of Now Get Out There and Sell Something, which is available through NAPL or PIA/GATF. He is chairman/CEO of Compass Capital Partners and is an author of the annual “Compass Report,” the definitive source of information regarding printing industry M&A activity. DeWese has completed 141 printing company transactions and is viewed as the industry’s preeminent deal maker. He can be reached via e-mail at HDeWese@CompassCapLtd.com .
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