Dreaming of More Sales — DeWese

THIS COLUMN is gonna get you. It will creep into your room while you sleep. It will crawl in your head and begin to control your dreams.

Don’t even think it! It’s too late.

No! Don’t do it! Don’t try stomping the magazine on the floor.

You can’t destroy it in your shredder and burning it in the parking lot won’t work, either. You may as well keep reading. It’s just too late. Your brain is already corrupted and the Mañana Stalker only waits for darkness to come a callin’. Think of your best-ever dream. The night stalker will make it better tenfold.

Remember the dream where you win the daily lottery number for $600? In the night stalker version it you get $10 million when you win the super lotto. And the best part is you hear from every classmate and co-worker you ever had.

Or, many of you have the dream where you are locked outside naked. People are watching and laughing as you dart from tree to tree. In the stalker version you find a pair of shorts and a T-shirt that fit behind a tree, and emerge lookin’ good.

Or remember the dream where you signed up and paid $4,199.95 for the Lance Bologne No Money Down Real Estate Course, quit your job at Magnificent Litho and then you fail to buy a single piece of real estate in 24 months?

Sounds Like a Good Deal

In the stalker’s edited version, you buy a $750,000 home for no-money down and get a check for $150,000 at closing, AND you begin making $60,000 per week selling stuff from tiny little ads you placed in 4,000 newspapers AND spend the rest of your life making infomercials with gorgeous male or female models (depending on your preference).