Dialing for Dollars —DeWese

DOES ANYBODY really, really, ever, ever listen when a recorded message tells you, “This call may be monitored for quality?”

I don’t think so. I don’t believe there are any monitors. Monitors are a fictitious form of marketing communication. The company is just telling us, “We care about quality, and so we are monitoring this call!”

Or, maybe I’ve got it wrong. Maybe they are monitoring my quality. Like maybe they are checking on the quality of my baritone, my diction or my rationale for the call.

Why else would they give me a warning that the call was being monitored?cheap ralph lauren

I’ve been through some tortuous telephone customer service phone calls, me being the tortured customer, and no one ever interrupted and said, “Sir, I am a supervisor, and I regret the behavior of our hostile, antagonistic telephone representative.”

And, why is it that no matter when I call or who I call, I am told, “Our agents are experiencing heavy call volume now due to the success of our new Mister Licorice Machine?” Then some of these customer-oriented (whoops, the new term is customer-centric) companies tell me, “Your wait time is now estimated at 17 minutes.”

When I was finally connected after 23 minutes of dead air, I was speaking to a man in a faraway land. He seemed intent on correcting my description of my needs and became belligerent when I asked questions. I had said, “Well, excuse me. I’m just an ignorant customer who spent $2,213 for your deluxe licorice maker. I did not intend to spoil your day.”

I guess only customers well-versed in the technology should call, and his condescending attitude told me that my ignorance was ruining his day.

Well, his lousy attitude ruined my day, and that’s hard to do because I am a happy guy. In fact, Mr. Know-it-all Customer Service Rep only ruined my day for about 15 minutes, and then it was over. I just put the candy machine in the garage with all the other stuff that doesn’t work.