Blowhard Salespeople Make Me Gag

If you are browsing the Internet or watching Entertainment Tonight, you are going to hear the name Kardashian and there are three of ’em. Since they are so ever-present and because they come in threes, they get four Mañana Man Gags. I’m not even sure what they do aside from being photographed in short skirts exiting limousines.

I’ve introduced my new gag awards so it’s timely that I give two Gags to Lady Gaga. Get it? Lady Gaga. Give it two or three months and I may have to increase her rating to three Gags.

Are there more sales call conversation killers? You betcha. Jerry Springer, Oprah Winfrey, Congress, Taxes, American Idol, Lindsey Lohan, Bret Favre and NFL lockout. Here’s a biggie—professional athletes’ multi-multi-million dollar contracts, especially when they had .220 batting averages or 51 percent quarterback ratings. They get five Gags.

I should include a long list of politicians, but I don’t want to damage the magazine’s reader and advertiser base. Nowadays you never know how your neighbor or customer is voting.

Gags, incidentally, should not be confused with gag as in joke. My Mañana Man Gags are symbolic of the choking that occurs to signal the possibility of an imminent regurgitation.

Put down that People magazine and get out there and sell something!