Mañana Man Runs Amok, Again —DeWese
Printing Confessions: Mañana Man, your detractors have accused you of being shallow and meaningless. How do you answer that charge?
Mañana Man: I should be substantive and meaningful? I write about print sales! Are you kidding? The people who choose to sell printing have to be a little wacko in the first place. Why would rational human beings want to subject themselves to all the rejection, unreturned voice mails, unrelenting price buyers and picky dot fanatics? My readers need to laugh about 300 times a day to keep from crying or overdosing on Jack Daniels.
Keeping yourself up in the face of all the adversity is about 90 percent of the battle. There are some statistics that the industry tries to hide. For example, 20 percent of all print salespeople are entering monasteries and convents every year. Another 15 percent finish each year in straight jackets. And, about 10 percent wind up as guests on the "Jerry Springer" show.
Printing Confessions: A few years ago you caused a big stir when you took 100 print buyers hostage at the Ritz Carlton in Chicago. Tell us, what were they really like?
Mañana Man: You will recall that I was holding them hostage until they granted the entire printing industry a 25 percent price increase. And I would have succeeded if the FBI hadn't gotten so snippy.
I guess what I learned most is that they are mere mortals who are looking for friends. I set up some roundtable group therapy sessions in one of the Ritz conference rooms and, aside from hearing about all their petty neuroses, I learned they want print suppliers with whom they can have a "relationship."
You know, people they can depend on to help protect their jobs. Like everyone else, they merely want to look good in their workplace. Among other things, I learned that we print salespeople haven't done a very good job of being their friends.