Celebrity Print Reality TV Time

In a world of reality shows and B-List made-for-TV competition, just about every idea worth watching has been pitched. We’ve got sharks, dancing and chefs. There’s The Donald, islands and races around the world. It’s all been done before, or so it would seem. That is, until the Producer with the Midas Touch, Mark Burnett, was pitched on the idea of putting celebrities into the exciting world of print.

Sadly, this idea never made it to prime time, but through the Freedom of Information Act, the audition tapes were recently made available. Now, for the first time, a transcript of the proceedings can be reprinted in these hallowed pages. Despite the fact that this reality show never saw the light of day, its participants make some good points. Enjoy…

Stephen Covey as a sales manager, running a sales meeting for new salespeople:

“Folks, let’s begin with the end in mind. Close your eyes and picture your success as a salesperson. Can you feel what it would be like to be one of those confident, high-earning salespeople who stroll into the office seemingly without a care in the world? They possess a loyal base of ongoing repeat business and have great relationships with customers whom they consider to be friends. Although they are likely to lose 10 to 15 percent of their sales volume year-to-year, organic growth will more than replace it. How do they get there? Let’s set up a quadrant as an explanation:

• In the upper left, you’ve got customer knowledge. Top salespeople bring value to their customers through understanding their business needs and challenges.
• In the upper right, there is sales skill. The best of the best are good listeners who sell solutions, not just print.
• Down there on the left you will find product knowledge. Clients phone salespeople who know their own industry, backwards and forwards.
• And then finally in the lower right there is hustle. Diligence succeeds 100 percent of the time.

You, too, can become a superstar salesperson—having a plan, working the plan, and believing that your process is moving the sales needle, even if you can’t see it.”

Robert De Niro answering the phones: “Are you talking to me? Are YOU talking to me?”

Arnold Schwarzenegger as your company’s president delivering the Vision for the Future address

“Ladies and gentlemen, vee remain in a transition vid clients leading us in new directions. Print izz not dead. Eet is simply one tool in a vast und growing toolbox und vee must be prepared to offer da tools that meet our clients’ needs.

Vare is this company headed? Vare we have always stayed: Ahead of da customah. Vee vill continue to be leadahs by being intimately involved with da clients at the ‘idea’ stage of the job and not the ‘quote’ stage vere nothing good happens. Vutt I need from every one of you ees to understand not just what vee are selling but how eet verks for da customah. Get to know dare business, dare challenges, dare future.

It is from dis knowledge dat our future will be made cleah. So be ‘sales-curious.’ Learn da story behind every printed piece you come across. By solving da problem, vee vill earn da order. Und now, I vill return to my office but … I’ll be back.”If Al Pacino ran the bindery and installed a new piece of digital equipment: “Say hello to my little friend!”

A Sales Rep Who Is ‘Connected’

If Joe Pesci was your top sales rep, his prospecting calls would sound something like this:

“You want me to quote on dis piece right here? Dis one here? Okay. But first let me axe youse some questions. Youse say youse wants a price on 50 large. How many of dees do you throw out? What’s it for? How often does it change? Tell me every-ting that happens to it from the moment it arrives at your door. You might tink youse got a good price, but if I can come up wid a way to either lower da usage cost or increase da value of the piece, you’d be better off buying from me, don’t youse tink? The last ting either of us wants is for youse to make a decision you will later regret, if you catch my meaning.”

Albert Einstein’s training session on time management:

“Managing time is a misleading phrase. One does not alter time. How could we possibly manage it? Still, there are ways to make the most of your selling day and increase your productivity. For example, you could and should begin every day with a plan, a plan that you made before you left the office yesterday. By thinking ahead to tomorrow today and by establishing some priorities, you increase your chances of accomplishing key tasks. Think about next week this week. Think about next month this month. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that preparation is the key to time management.”

If Chevy Chase ran estimating: “I was told there would be no math…”

If Jack Nicholson was a senior buyer and you asked him, “How does my price look? I think I am entitled to know the truth,” he might reply, “You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a competitive world. One with walls. And those walls have to be guarded by sales reps with good prices. Who’s going to do that? You? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep because you didn’t win this bid and you curse the process.

You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that you’re not getting this order because someone else was cheaper, while tragic, probably saved money despite the fact that a better solution might be out there. And my way of constantly buying on price, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, keeps you fighting.

You don’t want the truth because deep down in management meetings, my bosses want me on that wall. They need me on that wall. Come back here with a lower price and maybe things will end differently for you. Otherwise, I suggest you come up with a better solution and sell me on ideas, not dollars.”

If Caitlyn Jenner walked in to interview for a printing industry salesperson position...oh dang, we are out of time...PI

About the Author

Bill Farquharson is vice president at Epicomm and a featured presenter on PI Xchange. His Sales Resources page contains archived tips and Short Attention Span Webinars and is found at sales.epicomm.org. Farquharson can be reached at (781) 934-7036 or email bfarquharson@epicomm.org