Prophesying Non-Cataclysmic Days for Positive Purposes
So far, I have written 17 tedious, boring semi-instructive blogs derived from my book. I’m hoping that the Ayatollah Blog Editor will allow me one interlude blog to rest my lame brain.
I was sitting out back on Saturday, the fated May 21. I went out there with a lawn chair about noon. I had packed some sandwiches and iced down some sodas and tea for a long afternoon.
I had gone out early in case the doomsday prognosticator was off slightly in his calculations for the end of the world.
I think I was well-prepared, wearing an old football helmet and my old catchers shin guards and chest protector. While I was looking for my catchers stuff, I came across some of my old wood baseball bats. I took one of them with me to my back yard bunker just in case there were some alien varmits associated with the end of the world. Harold Camping, the end of the world guy, hadn’t said anything about aliens, but you can’t be too careful at a time like the end of the world.
The afternoon wore on slowly, and several neighbors stopped over to inquire about my appearance and activities.
They didn’t fool me.
Their feigned innocent interest was a weak disguise for mocking me. I’m sure that I was the topic of conversation at their Preakness cocktail parties later that afternoon.
I had lots of time to think sitting out there watching my grass grow.
I began to think about previous doomsday predictions and how they had all failed. They had been contrived for negative purposes. Then WHAMO! I had a much better idea. Why not create special, non-cataclysmic days for positive purposes?
About that time I was stung by big bee. Maybe, I mused, a killer bee. Later I concluded it was a Prophet Bee that calculates important dates in history where big stuff happens. Here is his first prophecy, in the form of a date.
How about a day—say June 30, 2011, (it’s my birthday)—when all the world’s combatants lay down their arms, embrace one another and pledge eternal friendship. According to the bee, this will happen at noon on the aforesaid June 30.
And, hence, we would have what every Miss America contestant has wished for, “World Peace.”
Then there would be another date—perhaps Jan. 17, 2012, which is Ben Franklin’s birthday—when all outstanding printing invoices will magically increase by 25 percent and customers will willingly acknowledge their accuracy, accept them and pay them on time forever more. At year-end 2012, the U.S. Department of Commerce will announce the printing industry has mysteriously grown by 25 percent.
There are many more karmatic and kismatic dates that occurred to me that afternoon, but they will have to wait whilst you digest the two I have given you thus far. Remember to spread the word. I don’t have Harold Camping’s radio station, billboards and website to publicize my predictions. I only have you, my faithful readers, to spread my gospel while you are out there selling something!