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Some Sweet Revelations -- DeWese

April 2004
Valentine's Day just passed. I'm a hopeless romantic and I went a little nuts with gifts for all the women in my life; one wife, three daughters and four granddaughters.

Some people have said that I'm a "man's man." But, I'm confessin' that as I grow older, I'm getting more and more in touch with what some experts refer to as my "feminine side." It's got something to do with men's testosterone leaking out or evaporating or something.

Whew! I'm glad to get that little tidbit off my chest. I have to be careful with the rest of this so as not to be "politically incorrect."

I'll explain.

I'm a great cook—terrific at grocery shopping, too. My wife of 41 years, Attila the Nun, can't cook a lick. She hates grocery shopping. She controls our outgo and demands that I handle the income.

She'll kill me for this, but she's almost 60. She looks like she's in her 30s, and I can almost hear the whispers when we're in public, "Look at the old coot with the young blonde." Over the years, I've bedecked her with some great jewelry (trying vainly to extract myself from various affronts). So, I act like she is my "trophy wife." Now when we're out, I just go with it, strut a little and let 'em wonder. See, I've already risked the outrage of all the old coots and the feminists.

I'm into gardening—perennial gardening, water gardening and vegetable gardening. Dragon Lady will look at my gardens, but she worries about bugs, snakes, ticks and prickly weeds. I actually cut flowers and bring them in. I'm not sure, but I think there is still a lot of sentiment, at least on the Home and Garden Channel and in all the gardening magazines, that says flower cutting and arranging is predominately a feminine activity. Now I've got the gardeners mad and the feminists are ripping this magazine to shreds.

I'm into cooking and gardening. Recently, I also redecorated my home office. Damn thing could be featured in House Beautiful. You readers know that I don't golf, or go to NASCAR events, cockfights or wrestling matches. See what I mean about my feminine side?

Cupid Leaves His Mark

Next confession. I've got a crush on a man or two. I even sent one a Valentine gift. I think he was the actual founder of Valentine's Day. If I'm not mistaken, he's actually the real Saint Valentine. He's Bob Valentine and he's a printer in Seattle where he is an owner of Valco Graphics. Get it? Valentine owns Valco Graphics.
 

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