You have been good readers this year and I am going to give you some Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa gifts, depending, of course, on your holiday persuasion.
This is another "first ever" column. Giving readers beautifully gift-wrapped presents in a written medium has never been done before. You will recall I was the first columnist to ever hypnotize his readers in a column that I wrote back in 2001. Yeah, I think it was 2001? Some of those readers never came out of their stupors. Still others are permanently locked in a trance and, I might add, are better off.
The meddling Food and Drug Administration came by the Printing Impressions offices, however, and nailed a warning on the door that prohibits me from writing any more "hypnotic columns."
This first gift is wrapped in Tiffany's blue paper, contained in a Tiffany's blue box and wrapped in their signature blue ribbon. I'm sorry but this gift is a re-gift. My friend and former client, Russell Hill of Clarke Printing in San Antonio, TX, sent me this gift and is allowing me to "re-gift" it to you. Russell is a "former" client because I sold his company to Mail-Well (now Cenveo) back in 1998.
Russell reacted to my column about the tiresome abuse of business jargon by sending a great board game that I have renamed "Bull Dung Bingo." You can imagine its original name, which I can't use because this is a family column.
You will need an 81⁄2x11˝ piece of paper. Draw a square and then divide it into five rows and five columns. You now have 25 squares. Within each square write either a word or phrase that you consider jargon, a platitude or hackneyed. Russell's 25 squares contained: Synergy, Strategic Fit, Core Competencies, Best Practice, Bottom Line, Revisit, Take that Off Line, 24/7, Out of the Loop, Benchmark, Value-added, Pro-Active, Win-Win, Think Outside the Box, Fast Track, Results Driven, Empower, Knowledge Base, At the End of the Day, Touch Base, Mindset, Client Focused, Paradigm, Game Plan and Leverage.
Pass it Around
Go to the copy machine and make copies for your friends who have a sense of humor and who will be attending your company's next meeting. You know—it's the kind of meeting where about 12 to 18 people all assemble in the conference room for a meeting that is going absolutely nowhere.
The winner will be the player who is the first to check off five squares vertically, horizontally or diagonally and shouts "Bull Dung Bingo." Just like real Bingo.
Now, this shout will likely surprise your company president or whatever other officious company official is seriously trying to chair the meeting. You run some risk of getting canned, which could be a good thing, but you and your fellow players may want to come up with some alternative to shouting "Bull Dung Bingo." The winner could, for example, fake a sneeze, clear his throat twice or blurt out, "Boss, you're the best!"
If you have any trouble making your Bingo cards, write to me and I will send you a sample. If you run out of jargon, write to me and I'll send you some more words.
Your next gift is wrapped in Bloomingdales' gift-wrap department and set me back $12. It's a stunning foil paper in a rich gold, forest green and Santa Claus red. The ribbon is a work of art.
Graphic Communications World is one of my favorite printing industry information sources. Your gift is a fascinating and shameful item from GCW's October 17th edition.
A study conducted by Jerrod Jenkins (www.JenkinsGroup.com) found that 58 percent of the U.S. population never read a book after high school. Forty-two percent of college graduates never read another book post-graduation. An astounding 80 percent of U.S. families did not buy or read a book last year. Of all books purchased, 57 percent of new books are not read to completion and aren't even read past page 18. Finally, only 32 percent of the U.S. population has ever been in a book store. I think it was Benjamin Disraeli who wrote, "When I get a little money I buy books; and if any is left, I buy food and clothes."
What's the point of all this for print salespeople? Well you dummies, most of your lousy, unworthy competitors never read a book on any subject, much less the skills required to sell printing.
OK, on the third day of Christmas (Wait a minute! Can I say Christmas? I better say Holiday.") OK, OK. So on the third day of Holiday I gave you a gift that is wrapped in luxurious burgundy silk held by a $200 Ferragammo necktie. Clever idea, eh?
You open this gift and find it's another news item. There is a headline:
Sandy Alexander Makes U.S. Printing Industry's Largest Purchase of Wind Power
CLIFTON, NJ—Sandy Alexander, a leading printer of high-end corporate communications and promotional literature for Fortune 500 companies, today announced a seven-year agreement to purchase half of its electric power from clean and renewable wind-generated sources, beginning in December 2005. Sandy Alexander's purchase of 4,500 megawatt hours (MWh) per year of wind power makes the company the largest consumer of green power in the printing and publishing sector, according to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency's Green Power Partnership.
Sandy Alexander's purchase of NewWind Energy from Pennsylvania-based Community Energy will include at least 1,000 MWh per year of power from the Jersey-Atlantic Wind Farm, currently nearing completion in Atlantic City, NJ. The Jersey-Atlantic Wind Farm is the first commercial wind project in New Jersey, and the nation's first coastal wind farm. The balance of Sandy Alexander's wind energy will come from other wind turbine installations across the United States.
"As a leader in the commercial printing industry, we recognize the importance of helping our clients achieve their environmental and sustainability objectives," said Roy Grossman, Sandy Alexander's president and CEO.
Sandy Alexander's annual purchase of wind energy offsets more than 4.9 million pounds of carbon dioxide (CO2) that would have been released into the atmosphere through conventional power generation. "The environmental benefit of our wind-energy purchase is the equivalent of planting nearly 336,000 trees, eliminating 4.2 million miles of automobile driving, or taking 357 cars off the highway every year," Grossman said.
Plan Is a Triple Threat
Wow! Brilliant! Roy Grossman is one of my pals; he and his team are doing something that simultaneously helps the environment and mankind in general and also has ENORMOUS marketing appeal to their Fortune 500 print buyers.
If you can come up with a few ideas like Roy's or even if you flagrantly take his idea, you will be doing a good thing—and print buyers will actually be driving their POs over to your plant.
On the fourth day of Holiday, I'm giving you a package stunningly wrapped in real, $100 dollar bill wrapping paper by Neiman Marcus.
You open it and...it's another news item. This one is from PIA/GATF.
"A poll taken by Print Buyers Online resulted in 70 percent of print buyers saying, "...they feel they are more knowledgeable about printing than the average sales representative."
Suzanne Morgan, founder of Print Buyers Online.com, said, "I believe that the respondents rated themselves higher because they are not getting what they need from their sales representatives. We can't say it often enough: Print buyers want sales reps who are educated about printing technologies and use that knowledge to provide meaningful advice to help their clients."
This statement is not only true for sales representatives, but also for anyone in the graphic communications field working with print buyers—customer service managers and representatives, account managers, marketing professionals and more.
You mean we are supposed to have some product knowledge? We are supposed to understand how our products are made and what happens in our plants? We're supposed to be able to "consult" and help our customers?
Now, on the final and fifth day of Holiday, I give you all sleek new notebook personal computers made in America. Go ahead. It's wireless. Go to www.JimCollins.com. Jim Collins asks the question, "Are you a Hedgehog or a Fox? He helps you answer the question by reprinting a famous essay by Isaiah Berlin. It goes like this...
"The fox is a cunning creature, able to devise a myriad of complex strategies for sneak attacks upon the hedgehog. Day in and day out, the fox circles around the hedgehog's den, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. Fast, sleek, beautiful, fleet of foot and crafty, the fox looks like the sure winner. The hedgehog, on the other hand, is a dowdier creature, looking like a genetic mix-up between a porcupine and a small armadillo. He waddles along, going about his simple day, searching for lunch and taking care of his home.
Don't Get Out-Foxed
"The fox waits in cunning silence at the juncture in the trail. The hedgehog, minding his own business, wanders right into the path of the fox. 'Ah-hah, I've got you now!' thinks the fox. He leaps out, bounding across the ground, lightning fast. The little hedgehog, sensing danger, looks up and thinks, 'Here we go again. Will he ever learn?'
Rolling up into a perfect little ball, the hedgehog becomes a sphere of sharp spikes, pointing outward in all directions. The fox, bounding toward his prey, sees the hedgehog defense and calls off the attack. Retreating back to the forest, the fox begins to calculate a new line of attack. Each day, some version of this battle between the hedgehog and the fox takes place, and despite the greater cunning of the fox, the hedgehog always wins."
Five great gifts. You've learned about marketing, sales, what your customers want, sales behavior and how to wrap gifts. There's nothing left for you to do but "Get Out There and Sell Something!" Oh, and mandate now that 2006 will be your best ever. Come on. Go for it.
—Harris DeWese
About the Author
Harris DeWese is the author of Now Get Out There and Sell Something, available through NAPL or PIA/GATF. He is chairman and CEO at Compass Capital Partners and is an author of the annual "Compass Report," the definitive source of information regarding printing industry M&A activity. DeWese has completed more than 100 printing company transactions and is viewed as the preeminent deal maker in the printing industry. He specializes in investment banking, mergers and acquisitions, sales, marketing, planning and management services to printing companies. He can be reached via e-mail at DeWeseH@ComCapLtd.com.
- Companies:
- Sandy Alexander