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Five Holiday Gifts --DeWese

December 2005
You have been good readers this year and I am going to give you some Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa gifts, depending, of course, on your holiday persuasion.

This is another "first ever" column. Giving readers beautifully gift-wrapped presents in a written medium has never been done before. You will recall I was the first columnist to ever hypnotize his readers in a column that I wrote back in 2001. Yeah, I think it was 2001? Some of those readers never came out of their stupors. Still others are permanently locked in a trance and, I might add, are better off.

The meddling Food and Drug Administration came by the Printing Impressions offices, however, and nailed a warning on the door that prohibits me from writing any more "hypnotic columns."

This first gift is wrapped in Tiffany's blue paper, contained in a Tiffany's blue box and wrapped in their signature blue ribbon. I'm sorry but this gift is a re-gift. My friend and former client, Russell Hill of Clarke Printing in San Antonio, TX, sent me this gift and is allowing me to "re-gift" it to you. Russell is a "former" client because I sold his company to Mail-Well (now Cenveo) back in 1998.

Russell reacted to my column about the tiresome abuse of business jargon by sending a great board game that I have renamed "Bull Dung Bingo." You can imagine its original name, which I can't use because this is a family column.

You will need an 81⁄2x11˝ piece of paper. Draw a square and then divide it into five rows and five columns. You now have 25 squares. Within each square write either a word or phrase that you consider jargon, a platitude or hackneyed. Russell's 25 squares contained: Synergy, Strategic Fit, Core Competencies, Best Practice, Bottom Line, Revisit, Take that Off Line, 24/7, Out of the Loop, Benchmark, Value-added, Pro-Active, Win-Win, Think Outside the Box, Fast Track, Results Driven, Empower, Knowledge Base, At the End of the Day, Touch Base, Mindset, Client Focused, Paradigm, Game Plan and Leverage.

Pass it Around

Go to the copy machine and make copies for your friends who have a sense of humor and who will be attending your company's next meeting. You know—it's the kind of meeting where about 12 to 18 people all assemble in the conference room for a meeting that is going absolutely nowhere.

The winner will be the player who is the first to check off five squares vertically, horizontally or diagonally and shouts "Bull Dung Bingo." Just like real Bingo.
 

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