Common Sales Ailments — DeWeseJune 2006
There is also a TV show called Grey’s Anatomy. I have never seen it, but maybe it’s as good as the book. Perhaps somebody will make a TV series out of my book.
“Mañana Man’s Anatomy” is the result of my research on print salespeople to learn what causes their
failures. Many of these failures are now employed elsewhere but, just maybe, my book will help the remaining potential failures. I have identified many diseases that afflict salespeople and found that most of them are mental.
Here’s a sampling of what you’ll find in the “Mañana Man’s Anatomy.” I have given all these diseases scientific names to impress the Nobel selection committee.
The first disease, Mañana Procrastinitis Noworka (MPN), is the most prevalent. MPN is easily diagnosed by observing the salesperson’s car sitting in the company parking lot every day, ALL DAY LONG! Frequently the vehicle arrives well after 9 a.m. and departs well before 5 p.m. Company payroll records will indicate that the salesperson has never earned commissions in excess of his beloved draw.
Not-so Busy Work
This salesperson can be seen at his desk making lists, creating new file folders, surreptitiously working crossword puzzles and, even more furtively, reading cheap paperback novels.
A careful analysis of this MPN salesperson’s past will reveal that he has never possessed ambition or any semblance of a work ethic. Selling printing is just too hard for a MPN. He should either be shot or given a job as a border guard protecting the border between North and South Dakota.
The next disease that I have isolated in my laboratory is called Rosea Redassa Letharga. RRL is closely related to MPN, but is particularly characterized by a virulent rash on the buttocks, as well as the enlargement and expansion of said buttocks. This results in men having pear-shaped bodies and frequent scratching of the aforementioned body parts. Women, who rarely contract RRL, merely buy one of those thigh machines and see a dermatologist. This disease, however, is much more frequent among print salesmen who sit on their rash all day; it is hardly ever found among print saleswomen because they have a much stronger worth ethic.
Yet another affliction is called Redunditis Verbosum et Booritis. These are salespeople who can’t sell their way out of a wet paper bag because they are crashing boors. Customers and prospects become nauseous in their presence. This disease causes the salesperson to believe that he is charming, funny and irresistible. He is often observed with poorly fitted clothing, ear hair, nose hair and dandruff, and suffers from body odor. The disease, however, clouds the patient’s mind, thus he is oblivious to the gagging nausea among his customers.
You may have noticed that this column is about print salesmen and their receptiveness to these diseases. Women are less vulnerable due to the fact that they tend to be more professional. I am hoping for more women owners, CEOs and print salespeople. To that end, I founded—along with Joan Davidson, president of The Sheraton Press and chairman of the NAPL—The Joan Davidson Scholarship Fund to encourage and support the higher education of women wishing a career in the printing industry. E-mail me for details at firstname.lastname@example.org. Now, either move your car to the Starbucks parking lot or Get Out There And Sell Something!
About the Author
Harris DeWese is the author of Now Get Out There and Sell Something, available through NAPL or PIA/GATF. He is chairman and CEO at Compass Capital Partners and is an author of the annual “Compass Report,” the definitive source of information regarding printing industry M&A activity. DeWese has completed more than 100 printing company transactions and is viewed as the preeminent deal maker in the printing industry. He specializes in investment banking, mergers and acquisitions, sales, marketing, planning and management services to printing companies. He can be reached via
e-mail at DeWeseH@ComCapLtd.com.