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Common Sales Ailments — DeWese

June 2006
THIS IS column Number 239, which brings the total words I’ve written to 310,700 during nearly 22 years. If I’m not mistaken, that’s more words than “War and Peace.” According to my roster of readers (a sophisticated, digitized database), there are seven people who have read all of those columns. Unfortunately, they are confined to the “home” for life and I’m unable to speak with them.

All regular readers of DeWese on Sales know June is the month of my birth and that typically my June column shamelessly celebrates my life. Over the years, I have shared a multitude of my life successes with Printing Impressions subscribers and, although I don’t always hear from them, I know my heroics have had a profound and positive effect on my readers.

How one human can be so imbued with goodness is hard to comprehend. Even I don’t understand it.

A Renaissance Man

A few years ago I wrote some books for print salespeople, which were available through Amazon.com, NAPL and PIA. One of the books, titled “Now, Get Out There and Sell Something!” was a blockbuster best-seller, at least in the printing industry. It was a compilation of 55 of my most favorite columns. The book was such a monumental success that I’ve decided to publish two more books. Why not? I have almost 200 past columns from which to choose.

One book will be titled, “I Want a Pullet Surprise!” It will be a riotously funny and highly educational compilation of 50 to 60 columns.

The second book will be called “Mañana Man’s Anatomy.” It will likely win a No-Bell Prize because it is more scientific. See, the Pullet Surprise is awarded for good literature. The No-Bell Prize is for scientific achievements; for example, honoring the guy who invented the Q-Tip and the lady who discovered a Vaseline deposit in her back yard and started bottling it.

Both prizes have secret selection committees and the winners get big cash prizes.

No one has ever won both prizes in the same year. I will be the first.

“Mañana Man’s Anatomy” is the print salesperson’s version of “Gray’s Anatomy” for physicians. “Gray’s Anatomy” is all about the human anatomy and has pictures of various body parts! It’s now in its 39th printing. Wow! That’s the kind of popularity I’m seeking.
 

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